Episode 99: How To Be Awesome At Not Having Mom Guilt

In this episode, we’re squashing MOM GUILT.  Now, we are all going to have conflicting feelings from time to time but today we are hitting pause during this episode to really shift our mindset around feeling guilty as a mother.  

Ok, so this is what we are going to do.  We are going to figure out what our values and prates are and make sure they are actually ours and not ones we have adapted thinking they are ours - when actually they are societies or from people we know or things we see on tv or social media.  

This is our own individual journey of motherhood.  And it’s going to change and it’s going to fluctuate so we are going to get a good system down for making the best decisions for right now, then not feeing guilty. 

Lindsay's goal by the end of this episode is to help you feel free.  Free from the paralyzing feeling that we aren't doing enough or we are missing moments… and instead realizing that you have to feel fulfilled as your own human too.  You can’t pour from an empty cup and your people want your energy more than your time.  Realizing that most of it is probably in your head, and you’re agonizing over something that doesn't exist and wasting precious time with your kids by worrying.  You are doing a great job and you aren’t going to feel guilty for being your own independent and productive and happy human, in addition to being an awesome mother.  

Here are a few key points Lindsay covers:

Guilt vs. shame
Lindsay thinks guilt can be a helpful took to recalibrate.
Shame is not good - that's what we are working to avoid here.

Shame 
When you made a mistake as a mom- thats a different topic- lets take that off the table for now.  Like when you lost your cool with your kid, make a mistake etc. 

Dont keep it a secret
Lean into vulnerability 
Lindsay says it out loud- it helps her learn from it. 
Plus your guard is down so others are willing to show up and share their stories and embrace vulnerability.

Being able to step into vulnerability in our everyday interactions and also be mindful.  
Not everyone has earned the right to share your shame story.  Tell the people who you can tell and then you have SUPPORT!!  And you aren't feeling isolated!  We should never feel lonely.

So be brave
Let your guard down - you will see that most of these feelings are the most universal!! 
Everyone feels like this! 

️SHOULD - Messages that we get from society.
Sometimes it come storm our own idea- our mom friends - our culture - these expectations are often reinforced my media culture.

️So we need to be fully aware - of what is important to us and what we have decided vs what we are getting from society. And we are going to constantly recalibrate. And know and understand that if we arent happy and WHOLE- we aren't giving them the best of us.  So whatever it is that you need - a facial, a night out with your friends… yes you miss those minutes with your kids… 
But you also come back FULLY whole and so happy to feel alive and like your own human for an hour or a night … and same thing with vacations.

️It's HARD
Lindsay tells a story about her husband going on an upcoming trip without her.  She decided to stay with the kids. It’s a give and take and always a compromise. 

️Make the best decisions you can for each day- then move on.  
Decide, then go ENJOY IT!  Don't go on vacation and call them 700 times and talk about how guilty you feel.

In fact, Lindsay thinks you should stop even talking about it at all - especially AROUND your kids.  

️Lean into showing up 
Connect with the right others - be able to offer empathy and through our connections -to be more aware of socities proirtieis so you know what is yours and actually not yours 
Then you can explore and redefine what is important to you - and what motherhood looks like.

If you’re pregnant
Lindsay thinks you should spend time NOW reading and listening to podcasts on this stuff so you are ready for this stuff- and you’ll have tools to handle your feelings.  

️Lindsay also thinks we should also be open to therapy!!  It can be such a great tool and resource!  Again- this opens it up. 

CHEERS, to no more mom guilt!

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