Episode 188. How To Be Awesome At Realizing You Can’t Make A Person Change

We’ve all had someone… or several people in our lives that we think… my gosh if they would just stop doing this… or start doing that… it would all change.  And that’s what they need… and then we try to change them. 
 
We see it so clearly so often we do things like… 
Offer them unsolicited tips and advice 
Overly compliment them so they feel good 
Or maybe you tough love them and really tell them brutally honestly what you think is best for them. 
 
The problem is… even if you have the very best intentions, you can’t make someone do something, even if it’s for their own good because it requires intervening in their life in a way that often damages the relationship more than it helps. 
 
We know that for a person to truly change, they must feel like the change is theirs.  They made the decision and they control it, that’s the only way it works. 
 
In this episode we are talking about what you can do to inspire change instead of actively trying to change someone.
 
 
Here are some of the things Lindsay talks about in this episode… 
 
It’s so hard to see someone mess up over and over.  Or make bad choices or 
If only they would get their shit together, they would be so much happier.
 
Here’s the bottom line: 

You can’t make somebody change. You can inspire them to change. You can educate them towards change. You can support them in their change.

But you can’t make them change.  It’s stepping on their toes and can hurt your relationship more than help them.  Even if you have good intentions.

For a person to truly change, they must feel that the change is theirs, that they chose it, they control it. Otherwise, it loses all its effect.

This is especially important for people who have survived trauma or abuse. 
 
Here are a few ways you can help people… 

1. Lead by example - show with your actions rather than advice. 

2. Ask questions, good ones!

3. Offer Help Unconditionally

Ultimately, we are each only capable of changing ourselves. 
 
Here’s the bottom line: 

You can’t make somebody change. You can inspire them to change. You can educate them towards change. You can support them in their change. 

XOXO