Episode 175. How To Be Awesome At Giving Yourself Grace
Today we’re talking about giving yourself grace… that space you sometimes need to mess up and not beat yourself up over it or have days when you just don't have as much energy to do all the things you want to do…
Lindsay talks about being an entrepreneur by nature and pushing herself and holding herself to high standards, like many of us.
But what she’s realized lately is often times her expectations were unrealistic- which she would have told you is a great thing- set super high goals because otherwise there is no way to achieve them. But what she's realized is… she’s able to enjoy the journey more and embrace the beauty of evolving and use mistakes as learning opportunities… all the positive things that come when you give yourself grace.
Lindsay is now focusing on giving her best, based on my capacity that day and in that moment. Perfection is not the goal and she's not competing with anyone else. By giving herself this sort of self-compassion, it’s not making her weaker, it’s making her stronger because she’s showing more love to herself. Slowing down just enough to enjoy the journey and have the space for rest and self-love and GRACE.
Here are some key points Lindsay talks about:
-Asking her kids… did you do your best today? Then you did a great job.
Leave it all on the field - you either won or you tried your best and it just didn’t work. Either one of those options are acceptable. Why aren’t we doing the same thing for ourselves?
-You need that physical and mental space to do it.
-Know you’re not perfect and don’t aim to be.
-Mess up and don’t feel badly - it’s a lesson learned.
-Some days you don’t have as much energy or you don’t feel well - your best is going to be different on different days.
-When you set your expectations too high- then you often don’t reach them- then you stop believing yourself when you tell yourself you are going to do something.
This is where Lindsay got herself stuck!! She talks about how she stopped believing she could achieve her goals because they weren’t realistic.
-When we give ourselves grace, we release feelings of shame and regret so we can move forward with care and openness towards ourselves and others.
-The feeling of never doing enough or being enough.
-In the moments when you’re being hard on yourself or talking negatively to yourself, ask, “Is this how I would treat my friend or a loved one?” If not, then that’s an indicator that it’s time to change your self-talk!
-Burnout is the physical or mental collapse due to over work or stress. We have so many responsibilities and we are expected to be great at them all!!
-Realize- are we putting these expectations on ourselves or are other people putting them on us? Are we putting super high expectations of others?
-It can make you feel like you’re never doing enough or being enough.
-The goal is not perfection, its PROGRESS.
-Tony Robbins says the secret to happiness in one word is PROGRESS.
"If you want to have ongoing joy and fulfillment in your life, the secret is just one word – progress. Progress equals happiness. While achievements and material things may excite you for the moment, the only thing that’s going to make you happy long-term is knowing that you’re making progress.
To do this, you have to remember: While change is automatic – progress is not. Progress results from actively and consciously choosing to create a life you love; a life where you can’t wait to jump out of bed in the morning because you are growing, contributing, impacting and serving.
How do you start creating a life like that? By first learning that you don’t need an excuse to feel good – you can feel good for no reason."
-Lindsay says, "I sometimes look around and I’m like oh my gosh I worked on the house all day - and there is still shit all over… HOW DO OTHER WOMEN DO IT?"
And that’s just it… we can’t be amazing at everything at the same moment.
-Realize that even though we want to have our house in order and laundry done- there is this balance that is HARD when raising kids… sometimes you have to LET UP and know that things will get back in order.
-Do you want to look back when you’re 90 and think… my house was sure clean??
-The FREEDOM TO RELAX!! And know… you were there for the JOYS and the tears and the moments sitting around the table instead of constantly cleaning up or tasking.
-Being able to say say NO. No period. Without explanation. Signing up for room mom when you know it will stretch you thin. When you over commit at the school… know if it’s YOU… does it make you so happy or does it suck the life out of you?
-Don’t feel like you have to do it to be a good mom. Give yourself grace. Just because you aren’t this mom or that mom or the room mom… they will get you a lot better at other things… because you are whole and happy and not trying to pour from an empty cup.
-Guess what - you don’t want your family to get what’s left of you!! You want them to get the best of you! That’s why you can’t commit to ALL THE THINGS… just leave things on your plate that you really WANT.
-You just have to give yourself grace. As a wife or husband too… it’s so easy with so many responsibilities to feel like we are failing at it all. And feeling like you don't have energy to give to your spouse.
I’ve found this - when you just kick back and have conversations… what do you need, what do you need more of and LESS of?
-Take away the ego, and not trying to always wear ALL the hats at one time… Lindsay talks about how you can really GROW as a couple because you are taking your guard down and giving each other grace. It’s not always 50/50… sometimes one of you is going to be going through something… but that’s where you as a team comes in… and when you need it - when you’re the 10%… your partner will be there with the 90%.
-This can give you so much stress and anxiety when you put so much pressure on yourself and you don't give yourself grace.
-And if you work, or have a family, or both… it can all be so much. Saying YES to meetings and all the requests for your time.
-And knowing you can politely say no. Without excuse or over talking it - don’t give the maybe- give the hard no. That’s how you sign yourself up willingly for burn out.
-Lindsay did a podcast - if it’s not a HELL YES- it’s a no! Perfect lesson here!
-How about making time for friends?
-A part of giving yourself grace is … saying GOOD JOB, you did great at that. We tend to skim over what we did great at and focus on what we failed at.
-There is so much power in slowing down, taking a step back and realizing how freeing it is to give yourself GRACE.
CHEERS! To giving yourself eternal grace!